It took years of searching but finally we’ve found her! All credit to my big sister, Mary, who had the vision and determination to overcome all the obstacles.

For all three of us it’s been an emotional experience. Stirring up the past can be painful . You have to confront memories that you’d rather forget. The times that people have hurt or rejected you. The fear of being hurt or rejected again. You’re forced to acknowledge your own mistakes and weaknesses, too.

But when you start to see things from others’ point of view – what they’ve suffered, not only what you’ve suffered yourself – somehow your perspective shifts. You no longer want to apportion blame, but simply to understand. That we’re all human. We all make mistakes. And mistakes have consequences for ourselves and others.

But the story doesn’t have to end there. Understanding the past can free us to move on. And in the process we’ve gained more than we’ve lost.

In my case I’ve gained another sister – my little sister, Alison. I’m not the baby of the family any more. Now, that feels good!